Tonight I am feeling philisophical. Alone on board anchored under a stary sky, it is the first night I have really felt the cold. The cabin thermometer reads 14 degrees centigrade. Just under 60 ferenheit. I have just finished Naomi James's account of sailing around the world single handed and am struck most with the honesty of her book. The impresion I'm left with is of her doubts and inner fears more than the phisical accomplishment. She sailed arround the world in the time it has taken me to get to Land's End but the inner psycholgical journey is interesting as Naomi's is so frank and honest. You might even say it's cringe worthy. I am reluctant to write that kind of inner psychological dialogue as the story is so familiar and if you let it all pour out quite confusing. Yada yada yada. There aint no song more familiar than a nagging doubt or a tape loop that runs round your head. Can I really do this. Am I really planning on sailing an ocean. Well there is plenty of time to see if that one comes truen and it is certainly not time to quite. The adventure will continue. Perhaps that is the appeal. The final end game is death. You fail big time. Did I just write that?
I have finally made the desicion to get off the boat. Good thing to by the sounds of that last comment. I've got onto the morbidity thing as I am about to atempt the first thing I really think is risky, sailing single handed over 24 hours. Who knows what awaits me under another skippers tutalage or even a manager's, if I should find myself working again for a short period but for 34 for more brief hours I will be soley in charge of the good ship Compromise. I hope everyone will be keeping a watch out on my passage, because I certainly won't. At this stage it's all about being on my own. Charting which way to go, when to sleap, when to eat, where to go. Basics. The plan. Sail to Ireland. Winterize the boat and head for the Med. A brief visit with friends and family in spain and on with the adventure sans boat if only for the winter. Bring on March 2005, may disaster be kept from my door.